How much time do you spend preparing for relationships? I saw this question while perusing on the internet and it made me reflect on the ups and downs of the relationships I’ve had. You know what I realized? Good, solid relationships don’t just happen. They require that we (you and I) go into them with purpose and some level of expectation. We have to be secure enough in ourselves to show up authentically, committed to dealing honestly with the good and bad. So it’s important to find balance in how we give and receive, how we show up in the space and intentionally bring our A-Game majority of the time. And, it also requires courage to do what I call Relationship Spring cleaning – the occasional purging and dusting to insure relationships continue to serve the purpose originally intended – you’re happy, they’re happy and all is good. Go ahead and kick the tires on your relationships. Observe, then asking yourself these questions:
1. How has this relationship met my expectation?
It’s important to make sure everyone shows up as expected and support the relationship. LET ME MAKE ONE THING CLEAR –You’re not looking TO FIND FAULT of yourself or others. Don’t you check the quality of everything you have to make sure it doesn’t go defective? You change the tires, batteries, light bulbs because of wear and tear. Such is necessary with relationships. This was a challenging concept for me because I kept score. A lot! Uh Huh – you did this and I let it slide now you’ve got one more strike and your outta here! That’s no longer my mentality and certainly not how you build solid relationships. I had to consider what I needed and expected to gain from the relationship and to speak up when my needs weren’t. No stewing, marinating, or keeping score.
2. What resources do we individually bring?
Understand there is NO relationship without what each party coming fully to the table. See what talent’s aren’t being fully utilized that can make the coming together better. The relationship has its own identity and is mutually inclusive. Meaning each party must be in agreement, working together and bringing individual strengths, talents, perspective and experiences to the table! No one party is doing all the giving or all the receiving. Relationship is teamwork with everyone doing their part.
3. Where do we go from here?
Think about how future goals and directions may impact the relationship. Remember, individuals must be allowed to grow and explore other relationships that come. Don’t resist change. It can be a good thing. If you find you’re going in a different direction, be okay with discussing options and how you see the future of the relationship . Don’t hid your feelings for fear of hurting others. Share openly so that if you must go in a different direction from the relationship there will be no hurt or hard feelings.
It’s okay if relationships no longer serve you or you’ve outstayed your purpose in it. As you grow and meet new people, different opportunities may now take priority. If the relationship has taken a sour turn however, it can be salvaged IF it is important to you and you are willing to be honest in communicating what you feel. Still, be okay with your own path and resist feeling obligated to continue relationships that have grown toxic and unhealthy.
Great relationships start with You! How do you make others feel after having worked with you, served your cause, promoted your event, bought your products? Remember, people will never forget HOW they felt after an experience with you. Continue to nurture relationships and appreciate the value others bring.
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